Good Afternoon
I have completely neglected my blog for, apparently, 3 months! A very long time! I forgot I had a blog in all honesty hee hee!
Anyway, probably the main reason I have not updated my blog for an insanely long period of time is because I have been busy! and there have been some massive changes taken place.
I went on holiday to Tunisia which was lovely. Nice to get away with a couple of pals and have a lovely,
relaxing holiday - not one of these boozy ones where all you do is go out and get pissed and act like a knobber! Lots of time by the beach and pool and lots of laughs in the evenings. I have learnt that Tunisian passport control is crap and when I hear the word 'Vitamins' I will always think back that man who sold smoothies like they were going out of fashion (Lloyd and Rowlands will know). Was very sad to come back to cold and rainy England.
I have moved! After 4 years of living in High Wycombe, I finally, after what seemed to take ages, ditched my flat and moved back to Aylesbury. I feel a little sad - I didn't really want to leave Wycombe as I felt settled there and it was home. There is nothing really wrong with Aylesbury, although we are all guilty of slating it sometimes, but it just seems like everywhere I go I see the same old faces of people I knew from a long time ago. In Wycombe, I was anonymous I could do anything or go anywhere without being recognised, I liked that.
I'm back here now for the foreseeable future. I was supposed to be in my new place by now but there has been some delays and so I am, STILL, crashing at my Mums place and I have been here since the end of June. I am STILL paying a hideous amount to keep all of my furniture in the storage room that I am renting with Store 'N' Go. I, of course, pay my Mum some rent to stay here as well. But, I cannot moan - I am alot better off then I was when I was paying for the upkeep of my flat.
My only additional cost is now my travel of getting to work every morning in Wycombe and then back again - not exactly cheap in a 2.0L sports car. I miss only being up the road and rolling out of bed at 8:15 every morning - those days are well and truly gone. Now my mornings are spent tailgating the people who go slower than the speed limit, shouting abuse and 'giving the middle finger' to HGV drivers who decide to break suddenly and stop without any indication causing me to nearly plough straight into the back of them and dodging the ridiculous amount of potholes there are down the narrow country roads between Aylesbury and Wycombe - this should really be flagged to the council. All in all, the drive to work and back everyday is not good for my blood pressure nor my stress levels!
I suppose to the biggest and life changing news I have is that in May, to my complete and utter shock, I discovered I was pregnant! Yes, I had to take 4 pregnancy tests to believe it, the last one being one of those fancy Clearblue digital ones that tells you a straight 'Yes' or 'No' and, how convenient, how many weeks you are! But its finally sunk in.
Of course, any woman who finds out they are pregnant is likely to have about a thousand questions flood her mind and, probably, experience many mixed emotions ... I know I did anyway! Without going into too much detail, my situation is not the best. I am, technically, single and so far I have gone through this pregnancy alone. If it wasn't for the support of some good friends and my family, I don't know where I would be.
I'll be honest and say that I wasn't exactly happy when I found out I was expecting, in fact, I cried. I cried so much and was in complete shock. I wasn't planning to have a child yet, and certainly not when I am single! I wanted to do so many things and just wanted to be carefree and selfish. I am 25 years old, and I know some woman my age have children but I just didn't feel ready yet. But, after seeking a lot of medical advice etc, I made a decision .... against all my better judgement, I decided to keep the baby! I waited until I was nearly 9 weeks before I started to tell people.
This story has a twist though so I'll go on. On 9th June, I was out to dinner in Zizzi in Wycombe with my friend. I had been experiencing bad pains 'down there' most of the day. I had just finished my dinner when the pains got quite intense and, again without going into details, I spotted blood. I rang the emergency doctor who told me to get straight to A+E in Stoke Mandeville but I would be seen as a priority - they even suggested sending an ambulance to fetch me but I felt that was a bit dramatic so my friend drove me. When we arrived I was seen pretty quickly and then I had every test imaginable carried out. I will say this, it was quite 'intrusive' and uncomfortable. And no, I am not referring to the 4 blood tests I had that night either!
Next day, I was sent for an ultrasound. The Sonographer stared at the screen in front of her as ahe moved the doppler over my belly and told me everything was fine. I felt relief. But then she went on to announce that it was 'better than fine' because there were 2 heartbeats and 2 sacs and then she said 'Congratulations! You are expecting twins'. She turned the monitor around to face me and there right on the screen were 2 sacs, 2 little blobs and in the middle of those blobs were 2 flickers, the heartbeats!
I was absolutely stunned! I stared at my Mum , mouth open and eyes wide, and wanted her to say something but she looked just as shocked as me. The sonographer gave me some photos of the scan and said that I needed to book the 12 and 20 week scans now as I would need double slots. Nothing anyone was saying was registering with me though ... I just kept thinking, as awful as this may sound, I don't even want one baby, let alone 2! Arrghh!
But, I am now nearly 18 weeks pregnant with twins. I have had another scan at around 14 weeks and was shocked at how big they had both grown - no longer blobs! I am looking forward to this a bit more now and, next month, the big and expensive task of buying 'baby stuff, begins but I have saved up and friends and family are helping me with some one the bigger items which I am so so grateful for. Hopefully, at some point this month I will be moving into my new place and then, I think, I will feel more settled. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't in the situation that I am as it can become lonely and sometimes I feel hopeless and scared about what is to come and how I will manage alone, but, more of the time I am quite positive and think that I have some great people around me who I know will help where they can - although I have to say that some people have become very distant from me but I know those people won't matter in the long run.
So, that's about it for now. I'll try not to leave it some long next time.
